I would rather wear myself out with a smile

Lately, I have been crying a lot. Not always a bad thing. It is a release. It is sometimes unexpected. It is an expression of love. While riding around in the car, I was listening to Edwin McCain and the song “Let it Slide” came on....one my favorites. And the lyric ‘I would rather wear myself out with a smile’ struck me. Mainly because, the crying has been exhausting me....even more so than why I am crying. Crying has actually made my eyes burn, made me so sleepy I feel like I could fall over, and even given me the feeling of broken ribs. Frankly, given me the feeling of being ‘Broken’.

So, when I heard the Edwin McCain lyric I thought, when was the last time I wore myself out with a smile, had a gut wrenching laugh, acted like an 8 year old, or smiled in secret. A few times came to mind....

Gut wrenching laugh almost anytime the word KAK is used- It originated while Sandra and I were visiting Kris in England. It came about because of a hacking noise I made while drinking port.....KAK. But, somehow, the word morphed into something beyond us. We used it in place of everything. It became it’s on language. It became total laughter, loyalty, and love.

I often act like an 8 year old - I do this by singing. Not just singing songs, although I do sing songs that I make up, but I also just sing what I am doing. Or sing to the dogs how much I love them. Sing to my Husband....and sing the only line I know to one song constantly.....”Oh Sheila”.

I smile in secret quite often - I smile when I watch my Husband listen to music on his headphones. I can see his love, his passion, his soul. I don’t need to hear the music to know that whatever it is it touches him deeply....and that makes me happy.

So, enough of the exhaustion of crying, let’s all laugh until we pee our pants!