Beam Me Up

I googled the word ‘ light', not because I needed the definition, but because if I had to pick one word to describe my recently passed friend, it would be light. I met Michael Epting in 1979. We were part of the 8th grade class at Chapin High School. It was my first year at Chapin, and Mike welcomed me to an otherwise frightening place for a shy band geek. Over the years since, we came in and out of each other’s lives, but mostly in over the last 7 years. We spent many late nights talking, laughing, crying, gossiping, but mostly laughing. He was my self-appointed wedding planner. He took the job quite seriously, and worked tirelessly for no pay. One late night, Mike shared with me that my Grammie, who passed away before I met my husband, spoke with him and she was happy for me. This was exactly what I needed to hear at the time.

The news of his death was shocking and frankly still seems unreal to me. How can such a presence leave this world without leaving some type of worm hole opening in the cosmos? I find myself meditating much more since the news of his passing and my mind invariably drifts to thoughts of him and wishing for a sign from the beyond. As with other friends and family that have passed, I want confirmation that they are in a better place, that they knew I loved them, and that they left a huge imprint on me and the world. But the question is, how do we know this is truly a sign or form of communication and not just some random occurrence. These thoughts are what brought me to the word ‘light’. If Mike wanted to send me a sign, I think it would be in the form of light.

Light is defined as: (noun) 1. the natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible. 2. a source of illumination. 3. a person notable or eminent in a particular sphere of activity or place. (verb): 1. provide with light; illuminate.

Both the definitions for noun and verb apply to my friend, but I think he was definitely more of a verb than a noun. Anyone who has been in his presence I think would agree. He was constant motion and gesture with a heavy southern drawl and cigarette smoke for emphasis. He could eat country fried steak and biscuits with gravy then wash it all down with an expensive Malbec, all while never gaining a pound or missing a beat. He was the human manifestation of a hummingbird after drinking a pot of strong black coffee.

We all want to leave a legacy when exiting this plane. In my opinion, Mike’s legacy is one of light. Some of the synonyms that struck me were: brightness, luminescence, gleaming, brilliance, radiance, glow, blaze, glare, glint, shimmer, sparkle, glisten and my favorite dazzle. Each of these words bring a vision of Mike’s face, smile, and eyes to my mind. 

During my meditation last night, a strange thing happened. The sunset was different than I have ever seen in Charlotte. It was a brilliant orange red with streaks shooting from it like you would see in a painting. I attempted to take a photo of it, but it just does not capture the magnificence. It was a Key West sunset in Charlotte, NC in the middle of Winter……I will take that as my sign. I love you Mike.